Shameless Self-Promotion

So, it may not seem like I am in the habit of shameless self-promotion, but lets face it ... we all do it, and I've been doing it for the longest time.  How else would our work get noticed, get read, appreciated, etc., if we did not self-promote.  The key is to do it, though. 

My last post suggested five things you could do to promote your stories and get them read, bought, downloaded ... whatever.  Here is another way to do it, and I will confess it also is shameless self-promotion.  But if I did not do it then how would a reader know to read my stories?  So, here's another suggestion for when marketing your stories.  Share a sample of it on your blog (You don't have a blog?  Sheesh, start one up!  What's the matter with you, you slacker?).

On July 2, 2014 my first full-length novel, ONE SECOND BEFORE AWAKENING, will be available for purchase through all the major book retailers.  Currently, it is available for pre-ordering on certain select sites, such as Smashwords.com and Barnesandnoble.com.  You can check out a sample using this link if you would like (shameless self-promotion):  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/442792

Of course you do this sort of thing because then readers can look at a sample of your story to determine if they like it and want to keep on reading, and also so that readers can see the quality of your writing without taking a risk.  Remember, I talked about risk with the reader last blog post when I mentioned making some of your stories available for free.  Well, a sample is free, too!

But also, you can run the sample on your blog or your website (www.roberthillauthor.com - more shameless self-promotion).  In fact, I did that last week.  I put up the first chapter for readers who might stumble across the website to get a sneak peak at what I've put together. 

And now, I will do it here on the blog as an example of what you should do with your stories (and also, did I mention, for the purposes of shameless self-promotion).

Here it goes -


One Second Before Awakening - Chapter One

Suddenly, he was in the painting; not just staring at it from the museum bench, but actually standing in it, looming over a naked woman just as two tigers came spewing from the mouth of a gigantic goldfish.

Drew turned, feeling dizzy, disoriented, and trying to locate the museum bench upon which he’d been sitting.  The bench was gone and so was the museum.  What had been a two dimensional canvas hanging on the wall was now a three dimensional world sweeping all around him as if he had stepped through a doorway leading out to the busy streets of Chicago.  But where he was now was not amongst the concrete and steel of the city, although it felt just as real.  No, Drew now stood at the jagged edge of a rocky islet surrounded by placid ocean water and illuminated by a blistering orange sun hovering low upon the horizon of a pastel sky.

How had this happened?  Bits of images were there in his head, like in that moment before waking when the last threads of a drifting-away dream were slashed by the blade of waking.  He had been sitting on the bench, thinking about the depressing state of his life, only half-staring at the Dali, when he had felt a breeze brush over him.  That breeze had swiftly grown into a gale so strong that it had buffeted him from the bench, pushing him toward the Dali, and then he found himself in a free fall, tumbling head over heels.  Then in an instant he stopped falling, stopped tumbling – and stood in the midst of the image upon which he had only just been gazing.

There was movement.  Drew stumbled about to see the woman from the painting – the painting he was now a part of – scooting away from him.  Her green eyes were startled awake, and her breast heaved like a blossoming lily.  In the glare of the sun with the dizzy sensation of disorientation blurring his vision, Drew still sensed, though, that there was something about her; familiar, intimate.

A ripe red pomegranate tumbled from the woman’s fingers and rolled against Drew’s tennis shoe as a bee buzzed past his ear.  He dodged it, grateful not to be stung as he was allergic to bees. 

What was happening?  How did he get here?

A million questions raced from the starting gate of his mind.  But he couldn’t speak, couldn’t grasp – couldn’t stop staring at the woman clothed only in her alabaster skin, who was in turn staring back at him.

A splash and the slap of cold water against Drew’s legs pulled his hazel eyes from the woman down to the water surrounding the islet.  The huge goldfish had just disappeared beneath the rippled, broken surface of the ocean, its massive body becoming shadowy as it slipped into the murky, azure depths.   But Drew had to redirect his attention away from the behemoth, drawn toward the pressing reality that two tigers, just yards away from him and the woman, had landed on the islet upon which he stood, their claws scraping against the igneous stone.

The rifle!  In the painting there had been a rifle with a bayonet affixed to it floating in the air above the woman’s chest. 

Wait, he thought.  That wasn’t exactly what he had seen in the painting.

Actually, the rifle, in the painting, had not been floating at all, but rather had been in the forefront of a succession of objects portrayed by Dali as being flung forth from the backdrop of the painting into the forefront.  Yes, in the background of the painting there had been a gigantic, exploding pomegranate that had been floating just above the water’s surface right where the burnished sun was now, and from that exploding fruit had sprung forth the goldfish, as big as a car, and from the mouth of the goldfish, one of the tigers had leapt, who in turn had vomited the second tiger, and from the second tiger’s maw must have come the rifle.  But in the reality of standing there with everything in motion … where now was the rifle?

Both predators coiled back preparing to lunge, roaring in concert.

There, next to where the woman had lain!  Drew dashed forward, picking the rifle up barrel first.

The tigers jumped.

The woman screamed.

Drew twisted about, instinct and adrenaline swinging the butt of the rifle for him.

The hard wood of the rifle stock slammed into the jaw of one of the tigers, deflecting its lethal strike.  The beast growled and a flailing claw just missed Drew’s narrow face as he stumbled back and tripped over the woman behind him.

The stricken tiger tumbled against the other and both went flailing off the edge of the island.  Huge bodies of striped fur sprayed foaming welts of water as the tigers fell into the ocean. 

Drew pushed his lean frame upward with the rifle butt as a crutch.

The tiger he had struck was clamoring for a purchase on the edge of the rock, trying to draw itself up.  The other was shaking its soaked head of the ocean water while paddling back toward the islet, having drifted several feet out into the no longer placid waters.

Drew yanked the rifle up into the crook of his arm.  He’d never used a rifle like this.  It was old, like the ones used in World War II – the bolt-action type with a bayonet affixed.  In the army he’d shot an M-16 more than a few times, especially in Afghanistan, but this thing – this antique – he wondered if it even worked.

It’s a rifle in a painting for crying out loud, his mind yelled at him. 

The first tiger was still struggling to get its massive body out of the water.

Drew lifted the rifle and aimed it, figuring if the tigers were real then the rifle might be just as real.

“Don’t!”  It was the woman behind him.  “There is to be only one bullet.”

Drew glanced at her through stray locks of sandy-colored hair.

“It’s to be for me!” she said.

His forehead wrinkled, wondering at what she was saying – ‘it’s to be for me’.  The statement, and by the way she spoke, were both peculiar and puzzling at the same time.

“One bullet, one less tiger,” he muttered, raising the rifle back up to his cheek.

Then the trumpeting call of an elephant blasted his ears from somewhere close behind him.  Startled, Drew lowered the rifle, flinching from the cacophony as he looked way up into the sky behind him. 

How stranger could things get?  What more had been flung into the midst?

His eyes saw it, but as with everything else his mind was experiencing in the expanse of mere seconds, there was a dislocation between reality and whimsy.  Yet, there it was, forty feet above him, the full body of an African elephant walking upon stilt-like legs, skinny like spaghetti and long like endless beanpoles.  It was as if someone had used a medieval rack to stretch the poor pachyderm’s legs to inhumane proportions.

Atop the elephant’s back was a tremendous saddle laden with an obelisk of ice, and a midget dressed in a clown suit that appeared to be directing or driving the spindly beast.  The midget’s face was done up to look like a clown, too, but he wore a Nazi-style storm trooper helmet.

“Hey, you!  What do you think you’re doing?” said the midget-clown, a look of anger overriding the exaggerated clown grin plastered on his face.

The long-legged elephant had been in the painting, too!  When Drew was sitting in the museum looking at the painting, the elephant with its spidery legs had been trudging through the water like an innocent passerby as the two tigers were leaping from the mouth of the goldfish.

A tiger growled.  Drew cringed and looked forward again in the direction of the sound.  The tiger was still struggling to drag itself up onto the rocks.  The second one, the one that had been made to paddle its way back toward the islet, was now beside its companion, and was also trying to pull itself up.

Drew flashed his eyes up at the midget-clown.  “Help us!”

“Did you hear me?!” yelled the little man, his arms akimbo as he stood on the front of the saddle staring down at Drew.  “What are you doing?”

“Throw us a rope!” Drew yelled back.

“You’re not supposed to interfere.  Get out of there, you idiot!”

Drew’s jaw tightened, and he pivoted around, pointing the rifle up at the little man standing on his high saddle.  “Help us!”

“Bloody Hell!”   The midget-clown ducked away and Drew thought he would turn his elephant away and flee.

But then, instead, the towering pachyderm moved closer to the edge of the island and as it did so the little man hurled down a long rope ladder.  Drew jumped back a step to avoid being hit as the ladder clacked against the stone.

Then the midget-clown started cranking on a lever attached to the saddle.  Drew didn’t know why the little man was doing this or for what purpose, but he didn’t have time to worry about it.

“What are you to be doing?” yelled the woman still beneath him at his feet.  “Where have you been coming from?”

Drew turned toward her, his brow furrowing at the strange way she spoke.  He understood her, but the way she phrased things.  There was no time for this.  “Come on!”

“I cannot!” she replied, her voice shrill.

One of the tigers finally got its hind legs up onto the surface of the islet.  The other was still struggling, but it, too, was almost out of the water.

Drew lunged toward the woman.  “Come on!”  He grabbed her arm and yanked her to her feet.

“I cannot!”

“The Hell you say!”  Drew began dragging her toward the ladder.  “Up you go!  Get going!”

“Who are you to be doing this?” she asked, resisting.

“We can discuss it later,” Drew said, pushing her to go up the ladder.

Then the first tiger, the one he had struck with the rifle, prowled forward with its dripping belly hanging low against the stone.  A growl escaped its snarled jaws.

Drew raised the rifle to his cheek, pointing it at the tiger.

“Get up there!” he said to the woman as his finger curled about the trigger.

The other tiger then pulled itself up, stopping to shake the ocean from its thick fur as the first one continued stalking toward Drew. 

The creak of the rope behind Drew messaged that the woman was climbing the ladder.  Drew kept the rifle pointed at the closest tiger.

Then he switched the rifle into his left hand and grabbed hold of the ladder, putting his foot into the lowest rung while still pointing the rifle.

“Let’s go!” he yelled upwards.

“Just a moment, will you!” the midget-clown replied.  “Look out below!”

Drew looked up and then saw falling from the other side of the long-legged elephant the enormous obelisk of ice that had been atop the elephant’s saddle, but was now tumbling toward the water.  It crashed into the ocean, and a great wave of foaming water rushed over Drew’s legs, nearly tearing him from the ladder.  The deluge spilled over the islet, forcing the closer tiger to slide backwards while the other tiger slipped its feet under the force of the wave and plummeted back into the ocean.

Drew felt a jerking motion, and he almost lost his hold as the ladder swung away from the little island, swaying free into the air above the open water.  He gripped the ladder harder, pointing the end of the rifle away from the remaining tiger in order to grab hold with both hands.

The tiger rebounded to its feet and leapt toward Drew, roaring as it soared through the air.

“Come on!”  Drew said as he fumbled with the rifle, trying to bring it up against his hip, but as his finger grasped for the trigger, the tiger reached the apex of its jump and then plummeted toward the water, flailing claws just missing Drew’s shoes in the midst of its descent.

The long-legged elephant kept moving away as Drew stared down at the tiger.  It was paddling in the water, still coming toward him, but the stilted elephant’s stride was too enormous for the beast to keep up.

Drew lowered the rifle, remembering what the woman had said.  There was only one bullet and Drew figured he might need it if he didn’t wake up soon from this dream – this twisted nightmare – he found himself in.

He began climbing the ladder, stopping once halfway to look back at the tigers.  Both had turned about by then and were clawing their way up onto the islet again, breaking off their attack.

When Drew finally reached the top of the ladder, the midget-clown was standing over him, glaring like a reproachful mother.

Drew stared back at the comical-looking little man. 

The midget-clown offered his stunted arm to help Drew up, but he waved the point of the bayonet at the little man.  “Get back, Shorty!  Move it!”

“Suit yourself,” said the little man, grimacing as he turned.  Then he clawed forward onto the neck of the elephant and turned about facing opposite the direction it was traveling, perhaps so he could scrutinize his sudden passengers.

“So who are you?” he asked.  “And where did you come from?  Do you realize what you’ve done?”

Drew ignored the man’s questions as he managed his way on to the top of the huge saddle that was straddling the girth of the elephant.  The woman he had just saved was cringing near the rear of the large golden platform atop the saddle where the obelisk of ice had previously been.

“Are you okay?” Drew asked her, stepping toward her.

There was a feral look in her eyes as she skittered to the side of the platform away from Drew.  He thought she might jump off the side as her shoulders twisted away from him.

“Wait, I won’t hurt you!  Somebody, tell me what is going on?”  Drew reached his free hand toward the woman to grab at her delicate, thin bicep.

She edged even closer to the side, her mouth half-opened but with no words coming forth.  Only a rapid breath blew past her lips and her eyes were wide with terror.

“Who are you?” he asked her.

She refused to speak. 

Drew turned his head to face the midget who was still glaring at him, studying him as if he were some sort of freak oddity of nature.  “You, what’s going on?  How did I get here?  Who are you people?”

“I should be asking you that,” replied the midget, brusquely.  “I just lost my commission because of you.  It’ll cost you, you know?  The Corporation ain’t taking it out of my pay, that’s for sure.”

“Commission?  The Corporation?”  Drew shook his head.  “What are you talking about?  Who are you?”

“I’m talking about my ice, you idiot!” snapped the midget.  “It took me three weeks travel from the north to get this far.  I had to dump it for room up here, you know.  This ain’t a passenger ‘phant, you know?  Only ice.  That’s what I do for the Corporation.  Bring the ice from the north, take it to the Heart, and make a hefty profit.  All gone now, thanks to your meddling in the Sacrifice.”

“Slow down, slow down.  I don’t understand what it is you’re talking about.”

“What are you, some kind of idiot?”  Then the midget rolled his eyes.  “Oh, what am I saying, of course you are!  Only an idiot would do what you just did.  That woman was the sacrifice to the Leviathan and you botched the job, you did.  Someone’s not gonna be happy about it, either.  I hope you got a lot of money to pay for the mess you’ve caused.  And even that might not get you out of the fix you’re in – the fix you put us all in.”

Drew glanced back at the shaking woman.  She was curled tight, her knees drawn against her naked chest.  “Sacrifice?” Drew said.  “Why was she being sacrificed?”

“Why else?” replied the midget.  “Gee, you really are an idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot.  I’m just not from here.  I’m not even sure I am here.”  Drew shook his head and looked about at the slowly darkening sky announcing the onset of twilight.  “I have to be dreaming,” he said to himself.  “This has to be a dream.  An intense, vivid dream.  That or I’m cracking up.”

“You’re not dreaming, but if you think you’re crazy, I would agree,” remarked the midget.  “And as for not being from around here, I would agree with that, too.  If you don’t know about the Sacrifice and you’re running around wearing those strange clothes, then you must be from someplace so far away not even the Corporation’s been there.”

Drew almost laughed.  Whether the giddiness that suddenly rose up in him was because he was indeed losing it, or he felt like laughing from the remark the midget had made, he wasn’t sure.  After all, a tiny man dressed in a clown suit with a clown face painted on his face and sporting a shiny Nazi helmet on his head should be the last person to comment on Drew’s attire.  Tennis shoes, blue jeans and a pullover V-neck was hardly outlandish in comparison.

“So’s maybe you oughta tell me who you are, eh?” the midget then asked.  “And how it is that you came to be out here?”

“Drew.  Drew Anthony.”

The little man grimaced, his smiling clown face screwing up like a wrinkled raisin.  “Drew Anthony.  Strange name for a strange man.  You certainly aren’t from around here.”

“I’m not.  That’s what I keep saying.  None of this can be real.  And I certainly don’t belong here.”

“Hah!  Well, suppose you tell me where you think you belong?”

“Not in a painting, that’s for sure!”

“A painting?  What do you mean?”

“I wish I knew myself,” Drew replied.  “I was in the museum one minute, looking at the painting, then the next thing I know I’m standing back there on that rock, which was in the painting, and those two tigers were jumping at me and her.”

“Painting?  What painting?  Now you’re making even less sense.”

Drew sighed, frustrated.  “This place!  This painting!  I was staring at it!  I was in the museum.  Ana and I – “

“Who?” asked the midget.

“Ana, my wife.  She was off in another room of the museum when I sat down at the bench and was staring at this painting.”

The midget laughed.  “So you think you’ve fallen into a painting, do you?”

Drew gritted his teeth.  “I’m not crazy!”

“Okay, okay, suit yourself,” said the little man, his suddenly cautious eyes drifting toward the rifle held loosely in Drew’s right hand.

Drew looked down at the rifle, then back at the midget.  “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“I know,” he replied, but his tone and his gray eyes suggested otherwise.

“Look, I just need some answers.  None of this is making any sense.”

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing.  You’re not in a painting.  This is the real world, Mister.”

Drew laughed.  “Maybe to you, shorty – “

“Chunk,” he said, once again frowning at Drew.

“What?”

“My name is Chunk.”

Drew gave the midget named Chunk a weird look.  Then he continued.  “Sorry.  Anyway, maybe this is real to you, but from my perspective I feel like I’ve just been dropped right into the middle of one of Salvador Dali’s paintings.”

Chunk’s mouth fell open and Drew heard the woman behind him gasp.

“The name of the Creator!” Chunk said, his eyes darting from side to side.  “If you know His name, then you can’t be from too far away.”

Drew shook his head in confusion.  “Who, Dali?  You think Dali is your god?”

Chunk raised himself up, almost standing on the neck of his spindly-legged transport.  “Think?  Think!  Everyone knows he is the Creator.  He made this world, you know, or don’t you and the people from wherever you’re from believe in the Word.”

Drew laughed.  “Oh, we believe in the Word, as you put it, but Dali is hardly a god.”

Chunk leaned forward as if to conspire.  “You best watch yourself.  Don’t you blaspheme around here.  Saying such things is heresy.”

Drew laughed once more.  This twisted dream of his was getting nuttier by the moment.  If only he could wake up, he’d have quite a story to tell Ana.

Ana. 

Right about now she had to be going out of her mind wondering where he could have gone off to so suddenly.  He had only been just a few feet away from her in another room of the museum when he landed where he was now – wherever this place was that he had landed.  He had to get to her, find his way out of this delusion or nightmare he was in.  He had to wake up, snap out of it, or otherwise figure out how to get back to her if indeed he really and truly had disappeared from the museum.  None of these scenarios, of course, was he certain of at all.  Had he merely drifted into some vivid delusion and he was actually still sitting there in the museum or had he somehow through some fantastic twist in the fabric of the universe truly jumped through a portal connecting the real world with this other, seemingly real dimension.

Chunk sighed and started to turn about.  “I don’t know who you are or where you came from, or where you think you came from, but I can’t wait to get to the beach and be rid of you.”

Chunk then turned completely about, looking out toward the last glow from the already set sun.  Drew turned back around himself to look at the woman he had “rescued”.  She was still curled into a tight ball, her green eyes watching him like a timid squirrel, as she hid her chin behind arms that were wrapped about drawn knees.

“Do you have a name?” Drew asked her.

Still she wouldn’t speak, nor would the terror in her eyes be snuffed out.

What was going on with her that she could be so stricken with fear, Drew wondered.  If anything, he would have thought she’d be relieved to still be alive.  Moments ago she was about to be torn to pieces, and he had saved her from that.  So why was she looking at him as if he had been the one that was about to rip her body open?

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Drew said, his tone frustrated.  “I saved you from those tigers.  Why would I choose to hurt you after saving you?”

Half-muttering, half-whispering, she said, “Ca -- Calliope.”

His eyes widened with the fact that he was making some progress with her.  “Calliope?  That’s your name?  Calliope?”

She nodded, and then glanced about for an instant before returning her gaze to him.

“Calliope, I’m Drew.”  He tried to reach out to her again, but she shrank back.  “It’s okay, you know.  It’s over with.  Nothing’s going to hurt you now.  Those tigers are way back there.”

“No, it will not be,” she replied, her voice barely audible over the breeze that buffeted her shoulder-length auburn hair.

“But of course it is.”

Calliope looked over her shoulder, back at the rocky island now far off in the distance.  When she turned, Drew couldn’t help but notice the exposure of her right breast.  Small, yet pleasingly round and full.  Not unlike the familiar beauty of his Ana when she would lie upon their bed …

He turned his head away, feeling the sudden heat in his cheeks.  He glanced at the back of Chunk’s helmet.  “Hey, you got something she could put on?”

Chunk turned his head around and laughed.  “No, and if I did it wouldn’t be anything that would fit her.”

Drew started to pull his shirt up over his shoulders.  “Calliope, here – “

“I don’t have to be wanting your clothes!” she said back, the words spraying forth as if she had spat them.

Drew pulled his shirt back down, surprised by the sudden anger in her tone.  “What’s the matter?  It’s all right now.  And you can’t go walking around like that.”

Calliope eyes sharpened and her nostrils flared.  “Don’t you understand?  You have been ruining everything!  It’s not all right!  Nothing has been all right!  You have not been saving me from anything.  You have been only making things worse!  It is my destiny.  I was to be the one chosen!”

“What are you talking about,” Drew asked, annoyed. 

“She was the Sacrifice, fool,” Chunk interjected.  “And she’s right, you’ve made a mess of things now, that you did.”

“Sacrifice?  Sacrifice for what?  What are you, a bunch of barbarians?”

“Tell it to Him.  It’s His command,” replied Chunk as he pointed a finger straight up into the darkening sky.

“What, Dali?  Your Creator?  That’s crazy!”

“Hah!  The spoken words of a lunatic,” Chunk muttered as he again faced forward.

“This is all crazy,” Drew said to himself as he looked to Calliope.

When he turned she glanced over her shoulder again back in the direction of the islet, and then she looked back at Drew.  “I was supposed to have been dying.  And he knows it.”

“He?  Who’s ‘he’?  Dali?”

Calliope turned her frightened gaze back toward the islet and pointed.  “No, not the Creator – him.”

Drew peered back at the islet.  Even from far off, and illuminated only by a rising gibbous moon he could see the figure of a slender man on a large horse.  The man was just sitting there on the horse on the islet, unmoving.  At the hooves of the horse were two lumps that could only have been the tigers, slouched upon the stone as if relaxing after a heavy feast of antelope.

Then the man on the horse pointed what looked like a long staff in Drew’s direction, not to signal them, but rather poised as if it were an accusing finger.

Chunk had turned about when he had overheard Calliope’s declaration, and he scuttled to the back of the saddle platform.  He stopped next to where Drew squatted and shook his head.  “I told you, you shouldn’t have interfered with the Sacrifice.”

Drew didn’t like the tone of Chunk’s voice, even less so than previously.  He swallowed despite his dry throat, wondering if this dream of his was turning as dreams sometimes did … toward nightmare.

“Who is he?” Drew asked, noticing the man on the horse now lowering the staff and then urging the horse down from the islet and into the ocean.

The horse slipped slowly into the water, moving in their direction.

“The sooner I can get to the shore and be rid of you, the better,” Chunk replied, glancing upward at Drew.

Drew turned and yanked the midget close to his face.  “Who is he?”

“Don’t tell me where you’re from, you’ve never heard of the Horseman.”

END OF SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION SAMPLE.

And if you actually read this far, then at this point you might actually be hooked on the story, leading to your possible purchase of the novel.  You should do this, too, with your stories, so don't be afraid to be ... well ... uh ... shameless.